When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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