i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
