she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
