HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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