piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
