My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
