So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
