We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
