awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
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