I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
