this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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