AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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