This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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