He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
