where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
