Even the bartender felt bad for me
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
