If you die in college, do you die in real life?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
