These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Randomize
