Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
