when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
