I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
