I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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