we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
