guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
My liver just had a heart attack.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Randomize
