Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
