Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
