I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
