Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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