mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
