We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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