Umm I'm too high to move.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
