I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I had to cum in my sink.
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