no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
