I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
