Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
