he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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