It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
