I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
