I will die if light touches me.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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