the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
