The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
