people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
