My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
It's official drugs can't kill me
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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