Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
