there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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