not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
