please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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