he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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