He disabled his match.com account in front of me
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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