i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
