you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
